You've Got a Friend

Today is my birthday. I got an email from an old, an older friend, although not much older, that said, "Welcome to the "Double Nickel Tour." So that tells you the number.

Trust me, I am not complaining. Recently there have been several people I know who will be celebrating no more birthdays. So for now, I'll take as many as I can get.

On my Facebook page it says today is my birthday. Very early this morning I started getting emails from Facebook telling me friends and family from near and far were wishing me a Happy Birthday. There were quite a few. As the day goes on, there are more and more.

Facebook makes sending birthday wishes very simple, even reminds you whose birthday it is if they have it in their profile. I am in no way minimizing these birthday wishes. It's really nice that so many people took a couple minutes out their days to say Happy Birthday. As each one arrives I take a minute and think about who sent it.

The message that really got to me, choked me up a little, was this from Janice, "Happy Birthday Sandy! Beautiful person and great friend! Have a wonderful day!" In those few words, she just made my day in a way she probably didn't expect.

Thanks, Janice. Thank you everyone else who thought of me today.

Feeling Useless

My first thoughts this morning were of my friend and colleague, Katie. I have known Katie for several years and just over two years ago I joined the real estate office she was already with.

Everyone likes Katie. You never know what she's going to say, often a little off-color but always funny. Her humor is at no one's expense except maybe her own.

Those of us who work with Katie know that her family has been going through some rough times. Her husband lost a big job a few years ago after 30+ years with the same company. Despite efforts to find another job, in this economy it's been a struggle. He's gotten close a few times but each time the opportunity vanished.

In the meantime, Katie's real estate business saw a big dip like the rest of us. She's a great realtor and plugs along regardless. I'm happy to say that 2010 was probably her best year in a few and Gary has been doing some consulting work so it seemed things were looking up for them.

Two nights ago Katie got a call from California telling her that Gary collapsed and died. He was there on business, couldn't get a flight home due to weather and had been on the golf course when it happened.

I got a call early yesterday morning from another friend on vacation in Florida. The minute I heard Janice's voice I knew something was seriously wrong. When she told me that Katie's husband had died suddenly, I was stunned. We talked a few more minutes but soon had nothing more to say. What could I do? How could I help? I felt totally useless.

All through the day Katie and her two sons were on my mind. I went to her Facebook page and saw that she had posted a message saying she had lost her best friend in the whole world. Friends and family all over posted condolences and offers of support and help, and I added my message. Useless as it seemed.

Although I wasn't surprised to see all the postings, it still amazes me that we are all using Facebook to reach out to each other in good times and bad. I'm not one who believes this means we have lost personal touch, at least not within my generation. In the coming days and weeks I'm sure many of those people will be reaching out to her physically and personally. But I still felt powerless and useless.

This morning as soon as I woke I thought of Katie. As I lay there listening to my own husband still breathing the soft sound of sleep, my eyes filled with tears. I slid my foot back to touch him. I thought about what it would be like if he wasn't there for that touch.

Then I got up, came downstairs, started the coffee and began pulling things out of my kitchen cabinets. Before Paul got up I had a batch of brownies and a cake in the oven. After an appointment this morning I'm going to stop by the supermarket and get the makings for a big pan of chili and bring it all to Katie's family.

Suddenly I don't feel quite so useless.

Postscript: Katie was really pleased when I showed up with my care package. And it made me feel good, too. Such a simple thing to do, to feed someone. My mother called and asked what I was doing. I told her and she said “That’s what we used to do before we got so uppity.” I thought that was very poignant somehow.

Who Knew? Certainly Not Me

Since I'm hearing that November is National Blog Posting Month, I thought it a good time to say a few things about what blogging is doing to and doing for me. It's become a bit of an addiction. This is my 128th post, and I probably spend too much time here reading and writing. I don't talk about it to non-bloggers as much as I used to. I think I was becoming a bit of a bore. So that's the doing to me part.

I have recently put a gadget on my blog which tells me where my readers are. I have been surprised to see how far away some of you are; literally all over the world. How cool is that? And it has also confirmed what I thought. I have lurkers, people who read my blog but seldom or never comment. Based on the locations, I have a pretty good idea who some of you are. And I'm flattered.

Although I try not to make this always about me, I have written several posts that were very personal. I've written about how Paul and I met and about losing my father. Those two posts were definitely at opposite ends of the happiness spectrum, and I was really touched by many of the comments I received about both. Then there was the post about an ambulance ride to the hospital that I tried to make funny and light. I heard from many people who were concerned and wanted to be sure I was taking care of myself.

I have become acquainted with some amazingly thoughtful and caring people in the blogging community. Many I know I would feel comfortable chatting with over a cup of coffee or a drink. And the talent that's out there among my blogging friends! I am constantly blown away by writing that makes me never want to write another word but then inspires me to become a better writer.

Paul stopped making negative comments about the time I spend here long ago, but he only reads my blog every couple weeks. He usually checks in after I mention a particular subject I've written about. A couple nights ago he sat for a while and caught up.

A man of few words and very little praise, when he was finished he said “so when are you going to write a book?” Now understand, he hasn’t had the pleasure of reading any of you other bloggers who I think are so talented but coming from him, that was a big compliment. I have actually been thinking of finding a creative writing class. I’ve become that hooked on this. But a book? Not likely. That's the doing for me part.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

About 15 years ago Ruth, Gisele, Kathy (my Dinner Club friends) and I went to Bermuda and rented a two-bedroom condo over Memorial Day weekend. Ruth and I shared a room, and the first morning we were there she laughingly asked, "do you realize you have put on six different lotions and potions since you got out of the shower?" Ever since then I refer to my toiletries as my Lotions & Potions.

This morning as I was performing my toilette I was thinking back to when I was a teenager and we didn't have all this stuff. As I methodically reached for each product in its turn I started to count.

Of course in the shower it was the body soap and exfoliant for my face and body. When I got out of the shower it began with the cotton swab.

Then the lotions, not all after a shower but there's deodorant, eye cream, lip balm, morning face moisturizer, night-time face moisturizer, sunblock, hand lotion, body lotion, foot lotion. Then the teeth: mouth wash, floss, plaque rinse, tooth whiteners, toothpaste. Then there's the hair products: shampoo, conditioner, detangler, thickener, root lifter, curl booster, hairspray.

Is it any wonder my luggage is always over the weight limit when I fly?! I try to cut back on all this stuff when I travel but I NEED it; I really do! And I haven't even gotten to the makeup yet which I won't list because honestly I don't use a lot of makeup but there's still a handful of those products, too.

And quite honestly when I look in the mirror, I'm not sure I'm getting my money's worth.

Men don't have a clue how easy they've got it.

Good Food+Good Friends=Good Times

Last Saturday was girls' night out with The Dinner Club. Gisele, Kathy, Ruth & I have been doing this for at least 20 years. With histories that go back 35+ years, this started as a way to celebrate birthdays. Then Gisele (our semi-pro party planner) came up with the idea of a dinner club--$20 per person per month thrown into an account. Back then we didn't always have the money on any given weekend, but who is going to miss $20 a month? We go out on the account 4-5 times a year when a Saturday night works for all of us. Nobody looks at the right side of the menu and it's whatever you want....who cares what it costs!? Gisele picks up the tab and takes it out of the account. It's just us girls (no husbands) and just the four of us. We used to get pretty dressed up but lately it seems to be more casual but I gotta say, we still look pretty good!

Last Saturday we went to Stoneforge in Foxboro, just up the road from Gillette Stadium. A huge place with a really casual atmosphere, the food was good and the place was very comfortable. We sat for a couple hours after dinner near the lounge talking and listening to the guy with the acoustic guitar who played everything from Beatles to The Fray. Someone mentioned going over to Patriot Place and checking out a couple of clubs but that didn't happen. Although Ruth, our designated driver, did drive us through the complex on our way home. (We're getting old)

Saturday's selection was one of the more casual places we've gone to. Over the years we have been to the nicest restaurants in RI and MA, and we never go back to the same place twice. We've also done a couple trips including a long weekend in Bermuda about 15 years ago. One night recently we went to Fred & Steve's at Twin River and had a fabulous dinner. Afterwards we dropped into the Comedy Club for the show and then went into the casino for a couple hours. In charge of the account as always, Gisele paid for dinner, paid our way into the comedy show and then gave us some money to gamble with. Picture this: Three grown women standing around another who is passing out $20 bills. We had a blast that night.

Of course, the most important aspect of this 'club' is the friendship. Although there are always lots of laughs, there have been more than a few tears over the years. We've all been through our ups and downs, and we're always there to listen. I can't imagine not having Gisele, Ruth & Kathy in my life, and I expect that when we're in our 80's, The Dinner Club will still be out on the town!

Image from Google Images